How to Build Your Joy-Cultivating Muscle (and Why You Need It)
I sat down to meditate and ask, what should I write about this week?
In my mind’s eye, I saw three capital letters: J O Y
Why? I asked. Why Joy?
Let’s back up, waaaay back.
I am wired to worry. Just born that way, I suppose. When I was a kid, I worried about my dad having a heart attack, nuclear war, acid rain, and coastal erosion. I was constantly stressed about excelling in everything, not because I was ambitious, but because I was afraid to fail, to disappoint, of being judged.
When I was an adult and started my spiritual awakening, my meditation teacher teased, “You’ll see, Susan. You’ll do this practice long enough that you are going to become ‘happy-go-lucky’”. She’d noticed my serious nature and asked, “Why not let yourself be ‘happy-go-lucky’ now?”
Because the world is falling apart! People are starving and suffering, the refugees!
This was twenty years ago. Today we could add — climate catastrophes, the pandemic, animal agriculture, the economic crisis, racism, sexism, cronyism, corruption, and so much more!
Which brings me to JOY.
Didn’t see that coming did ya?
Me neither. Hence my initial question, Why Joy?
In fact, I had to ask a follow-up question, What even is Joy?
First, the Why
We deserve joy — despite X, Y, and Z (name your worry of choice). Joy is a gift from our Creator. If we are too stressed, busy, and distracted, we cannot receive this generous gift. Using our joy is our gift back to our Creator.
We need joy — in order to help X, Y, and Z (name your worry of choice).
It’s futile to try and help others by matching their suffering. For example, if someone falls down a well, should we join them to keep them company? No, then we’re both stuck in the well. It’s more helpful if we stay up above, where we can lower down a rope and help pull them up.
Then, the What
What exactly is joy? As established earlier, I’m not naturally a joyful person and still not happy-go-lucky after all these years of practice. But here’s what I’ve learned:
When we slow down enough, we can recognize joy everywhere. It might not be the joy you feel when belting out, “Joy to the World”! It can be a subtle feeling of contentment, awe, or appreciation.
I remember one time driving my teenaged son to practice, and we were talking about nothing special or important, just random things. I suddenly realized I didn’t care that his room was a mess or that I spent so much time in the car chauffeuring the kids around. I wasn’t thinking about what had happened earlier in the day or all the things I still needed to cram in before bed.
In that moment, I realized, my son and I are talking. We are sharing this time in space together. How lucky am I to have this soul in my life? We are cordially conversing. My heart expanded and filled with joy.
While that moment probably evaporated from my son’s conscious memory the nanosecond he hopped out of the car and headed for the courts, I was present enough to capture it, feel it, and enjoy it all the way home. (BTW — this is also how to slow down time.)
One morning when I was writing my Artist Way morning pages, I could hear the clock tick, tick, tick. I can’t remember the last time I heard a clock methodically tick, tick, tick — not only because all my clocks in the US are digital, but I’m usually so busy, or have a podcast in my earbuds, or music is spilling out the Sonos that I wouldn’t hear it anyway. Just becoming aware of the ticking made me appreciate the stillness.
What about the fires, the refugees, the X, Y, and Z?!?! How insensitive of you to feel joy with all this turmoil in the world?!?!
I had a choice. I could continue to feel guilty (my default state) that I had the luxury of time to journal in this bright, quiet apartment with my hot cup of tea while so many people and animals are suffering. I could stress about how fast time is literally ticking away.
Or, I could stop, appreciate the moment, and feel the joy despite these same facts. It’s a choice.
The only difference is that by tuning into my appreciation, I could cultivate joy which is energizing. Guilt is paralyzing. Which energy will help me contribute something positive for the world?
Here’s the best part. Just like I chose to find joy in the meaningless conversation with my son and the tick, tick, tick of the clock, you get to decide what joy is for you. Once we learn to slow down and become present to it, we will see it’s all around us. Yes, X, Y, and Z are still there, AND we can feel joy while we work to deal with them.
However, it’s difficult to find joy in the midst of a crisis. That’s why we want to build the joy-finding muscle in everyday moments.
For example, this past weekend I was in a stressful situation. My adrenaline was rampant, my thoughts were chaotic and dark. I’d just written this lovely post on “joy,” and it seemed hollow and false because I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything but worry.
Where is the joy in this?! I asked. Suddenly, I got the idea to flip my worries upside down. Instead of fearing the worst-case scenario, what if I imagined the best-case scenario? Either way, I am creating my thoughts so why not focus on potential positive outcomes rather than only the doom and gloom ones? To be honest, it felt like the dark and light forces were fighting like Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker — it was a physical struggle.
So no, I didn’t just suddenly feel joy. It was more like I neutralized my fears. I was more in control of my thoughts than the victim of them. Build your joy-cultivating muscle so it’s there when you need it.
If you’d like an entertaining example of what joy is and how to cultivate it, I highly recommend Rob Bell’s An Introduction to Joy presentation. I promise it’s worth 80 minutes of your time.
